Wedded List

Jeff Roffman Photography

Wedded list, wedded bliss - get it? Okay, bad puns aside, I don't know if it's because my parents' wedding anniversary is tomorrow (happy 31st, Mom and Dad!), or because we have two brothers getting married in the next three months (whee!), or because wedding/engagement season is approaching, but I've been thinking back to my own wedding planning this time two years ago. There were many different elements to it, but all in all, it really wasn't a stressful experience. Our pastor friend and marriage counselor told us, "If you have a choice between complicated and simple, choose simple every time." Even with good intentions not everything could be simple (ordering alcohol in bulk for 300? Ugh, math), but that was a mantra that I tried to return to as often as possible, and it paid off. So with simplicity in mind, here are my top ten wedding planning tips.*

*Every wedding has different dynamics, and a plethora of them. These are things that worked for us. They don't work for everyone and I'm not trying to say they do. Also, I'm writing as someone who was a bride, but this applies to grooms too. Also, I'll probably think of ten more by tomorrow, so this list is fairly fluid. Okay, caveat over.

10. If possible, get engaged in a spot with no cell service and don't tell anyone for at least 24 hours. Let it soak in. Enjoy it. Before other humans start asking you if you've picked a date yet.

9. Address the invitations yourself. Savor the excitement of writing the names of people you love. Do it on Friday nights while watching TV. (And hold on to The Knot's Guest List Manager as your Christmas card list for all time.)

8. Got a friend who's a great photographer? Ask her/him to take your engagement photos.

7. If it doesn't totally screw with your color scheme, tell your bridesmaids to buy a dress in X color and length that suits them. Everyone ends up looking good, feeling comfortable, and wedding party members who are already traveling don't have to spend more money than they have.

6. Seating charts: people will survive - perhaps even thrive?! - without them. 

5. Publix wedding cakes are just as delicious as high-end bakery cakes. Promise.

4. Spend your wedding morning with your favorite girlfriends - all five or 30 of them. Drive yourself places on your wedding day. Do some normal stuff.

3. EAT BEFORE YOU GO INTO THE RECEPTION. By yourselves. For at least half an hour. Ask the server for seconds. Do it.

2. Before you leave, make a point to thank the people who made it happen - not just your parents and wedding party and officiant, but the people who might not get thanked otherwise, like the wait staff, the events coordinator, the caterer. Sure, they get paid, but I will never forget the smiles as I shook their hands and said "thank you" to their faces. It was clear that the bride taking time to do this meant something.

1. If you like the people at your wedding - and I hope you do - find a way to spend time with them after the wedding, especially if they're in from out of town. Hang out with them at the hotel after the reception. Get them together for brunch the next morning. You've got your honeymoon and the rest of your lives for one-on-one time. Savor the folks who made you each who you are, and the new family that you're all building together.

Cheers to the future!

Spring: New Birth and Nana

I first wrote this for my grandmother's birthday three years ago, and thought it warranted a share today. Happy birthday, Nana!

My father's mother was born at the start of spring. Since I was a child, I have carried March 21 around specially in my heart, knowledge that is too known to be knowledge, simply truth that slides in and stays: spring equals Nana, and Nana equals spring.

It's almost a chicken or egg question, really - which came first, spring or Nana? I cannot glimpse one without the other. I cannot smell fresh dirt without thoughts of helping her plant impatiens. I cannot hear bird songs without thinking of her bird feeder, ever popular with birds and those unwelcome squirrels, and her stack of Audubon books that she seems to memorize so she can greet every chirping visitor by name. I cannot feel brassy warm wind without thinking of her honey lilt singing:

Like a leaf or feather
in the windy, windy weather,
swirl around and twirl around,
and all fall down together!
 
I like to imagine the signs of new life that crept forth with her birth on 1928's first spring day in Athens, Alabama. I imagine her first wail piercing the air in equal time with the blue jay's song, the hawk's dive, the irrepressible wing beats of the hummingbird. Drawing breath with the birds and buds, for a moment she held the full and unknown world within herself: all change and challenge, slats of shattering lightning and gentle stirs of blossoming breezes. I imagine her Irish pastor father bending down to bless her, his only daughter. I imagine her mother, born in China to missionaries, lifting her up with lullabies, her last child. I imagine her four brothers, who ranged in age from nine to fifteen, passing her back and forth between themselves, cradling their baby sister with curiosity and amusement.

Even on stark winter days, even in the sweltering summer, she brings me springtime moments.

She shares our family history, storytelling with breadth and depth, our ancestors as familiar to her as neighbors. She brings her friendly smile to strangers, and still gathers with her close-knit college friends, a breath of fresh air to both. She took me on my first transatlantic adventure, to County Wicklow, Ireland, and we stood on rocks overlooking the Irish Sea at dusk and one minute the sun shone and the next it washed itself in shadows, and it was so important to stand next to my grandmother in those moments.

She sings the hymns we've both known since childhood (since she helped teach them to me), her southland soprano strong and sweet. She embraces and laughs with bursting beauty, sweeping us up into safety and joy. I would fall asleep listening to her blessings and prayers, her stories and songs.

I sent her not one, but two birthday cards last week. The outdoor, beach-y art on each pulled me into her heart, her love of water and sky. "What could be better than lying in a hammock or being out on the bay in a sailboat?" she wrote back, then added: "Having you with me would be."

And I cannot wait because soon I will be with her, this weekend for Easter, and even if it's the second coming of winter it won't matter, because spring equals Nana, and Nana equals spring.

The Friday Five (on Saturday): Spring Forward!

A Friday Five on Saturday! That must mean it's been a good, busy week. What's been saving your life in these first days of spring weather (including but not limited to the spring weather itself)? Here are a few of mine...

1. Fun times at work - listening to female faculty talk about their latest books on Tuesday, then on Thursday a community cook-off on the patio. Both involved food and friends - what could be better? 

2. Speaking of patios and outdoors, SPRING FORWARD HAPPENED. We took our first post-Daylight Savings walk this week, hallelujah. I feel like I grow more and more attuned to when and how the light comes and goes every year. Did a little bit of gardening (a.k.a. turning over soil) too.

3. A long, fun catch up dinner with a friend on Wednesday night - we sat outside (I sense a theme emerging...) and several other friends stopped by our table as the night wore on, which was fun. I am grateful for community. 

4. Gathering with some of my favorite ladies to celebrate our friend's impending fourth child (and first girl!) last night with plenty of cheese, chocolate, and laughter - a great way to kickoff the weekend.

5. Hermione interviewed Hamilton, and it was awesome. If that sentence made no sense, a) you're missing out, and b) I'll backtrack so you're no longer missing out. Emma Watson (aka the brightest witch of her age) and Lin-Manuel Miranda (aka the ten dollar founding father without a father) talked for Watson's #HeForShe United Nations initiative, and I got warm feelings in my heart for both of them even more than I already had. You can watch all of the interview here, but my favorite part was when Emma beatboxed and Lin freestyled on gender equality. (Spellcheck is telling me that these aren't verbs, wake up Spellcheck.)

LMM: I'm SURE they were beatboxing on set during those movies!

EW: Oh yeah, English schoolkids, that's what we do all the time. We just beatbox.

Watch and get your smiles for the day. (I mean, doesn't that thumbnail make you smile on its own?) 

Honorable Mentions: I'd say it's pretty imperative to be able to laugh with your spouse, and we've done a lot of that lately; a sweet note from a sweet friend; meaningful writing sharing; two of my best friends connected randomly in Boston and sent me a picture; one of my oldest friends matched at her top med residency choice; the joy and memories that March Madness brings; lunch dates with my mama; an Irish sing-along at my grandmother's retirement community on St. Patrick's Day. Phew! I'm grateful.